The Quatrano Family

Meet Tammy & Neil Quatrano: Award-winning duo makes home for 6 foster kids plus 3 of their own

Note: Neil and Tammy Quatrano of Clinton, CT, had three biological children of their own when named Boys & Girls Village's 2004 Foster Parents of the Year.  At the time of their award, the Quatranos provided foster care to a sibling group of four children who formerly lived in our Safe Haven shelter (3 sisters, 1 brother), plus one other boy, and another girl (6 total foster children; 9 children in the home). At this time, the Quatranos do not have any foster children living with them, but serve as a respite home provider.

What is it like to live in a household with 9 children?

Neil: "Having nine children is awesome! At times chaotic! Like when Sam wants to go to Meriden, Megan wants to go to the mall, Amber wants to go to her friend's house, Ty just wants to play video games and Lauren wants to go to the Library .... How do we make everyone happy? Hmmm … communication. If we have enough advanced notice, we can work anything out." Neil will sometimes utilize his Behavioral Management staff. "The kids love that.” Other times, they rely on family – like their niece, Jessica, who read a moving tribute from all the children to their parents at the dinner.  "We love to see the (foster) kids think about life and what makes them tick - and helping them to deal with loss, family (theirs and ours)," Neil and Tammy said.

How do you think you have made a difference in the lives of these children?

"We think the difference we have made - we have been there for them. I think they realize that not all adults are like the ones they were used to. We show them positive, real role models - ones capable of showing love and compassion," Neil and Tammy said.

What about your own children?

"Our children are awesome. They have been real troopers throughout this process.  They respect our decision to foster.  Don't get me wrong. They are kids, too, and have feelings about the disruption in their lives. But truly, they miss them (foster kids) when they go to their families on the weekend.... My children, at times, appreciate the break. But they have made an emotional connection to these kids, too.

"Lauren, while she is supersensitive, can say to me that Amber is being the 'B' word. Not that I am encouraging that kind of thing - but communication is key. Ty is so laid back it appears as if nothing bothers him. Julia flits around into everyone's business - she's so cute, everyone loves her."
 
Tell us about the sibling family of 4 foster children, 3 girls and a boy.

"The four started out as three...coming to us on Lauren's birthday. At the time, Lauren said that was okay... But we heard differently a year afterwards. Oh well.... No one said it would be easy.

"The three girls came to us unkempt looking and so young. We were just looking at pictures yesterday. They have matured quickly.  We were told that they were failing out of school, had very few manners and few limits were set with them. All of that was true.

"Within a short period of time, Megan was on the honor roll, and establishing friends including the 'boy' kind.  And shortly after that, the other two followed suit.

What about the boy?

"We pushed for Matt to come live with us, too, as he was a part of the sibling group. The girls wanted him, too.... After all, it was the right thing to do. However, Matt is a handful - cute, but a handful. He lies pretty much all the time. He has a lot of special needs, in school and at home.  He suffers terribly from poor self-esteem ... He needs therapy to help him deal with some of his issues, which he is now receiving. The thing Matt benefits most from is having a loving, stable, consistent and nurturing environment."
 
What about your two other foster children?

"Well, there is George, who first prompted us to move forward with fostering at the time when we did." Neil was providing respite care to him while he was living with his Grandma, who was diagnosed with leukemia. She needed the breaks from him due to his behavior and her being ill. Neil was working with the YMCA at the time and told them that he and his wife Tammy were being licensed to provide foster care through Boys & Girls Village. "There came a point when George's Grandma realized that she may not win her fight with her cancer - and that's when he moved to live with us.  It made sense. We were a known entity to him, and a loving and willing family.  He came with many trust issues, and he attempted to operate independently of the rest of the family. We worked with him over time and he has made some terrific progress. George now attends a mainstream school and seems to be doing well. We've had some bumps in the road, but that was to be expected.
 
"Sam is our newest addition.  She has a mind of her own and appears entitled, which has sent the other children into a rage. 'Who does she think she is?' is often heard describing Sam.  Okay, so we have a lot of work to do. We are finding out that she is human and not alien - one has to have a sense of humor when doing this. She needs some more work."

How did you learn about foster care?

“We hooked up with B&G Village due to Neil's attending the collaborative meeting in New Haven.  A staff person from Boys & Girls Village spoke about foster care service one day ... the rest is history …

Describe your relationship with Boys & Girls Village.

“Our relationship with (Foster Care Clinician) Carra Mauriello and the staff has been nothing but positive. Boys & Girls Village staff are competent, caring people, and extremely supportive. Carra listens well, shows compassion toward all family members - recognizing that our biological children remember life before fostering.  Staff has been responsive to our needs, as well as the needs of the children.”